No Zone Cyber Bullying

There is nothing more important in this world than the safety and protection of our child, it is us an only us that they have and depend on.  This is something I have come to realize I was a part of as an adult, that I know happens more often now a days in the world of social media growing and growing.  As I look back to the episode in 2011 of my life a grown adult I understand just what exactly cyber bullies are capable of, how manipulative they can be to trick you into thinking what they do is of importance, that what they do is for the good.  There are many forms of cyber bullies there are the ones that taunt, tease and corrupt ones life so much that they feel no way out, there are also ones that manipulate you, gain your trust, make you believe that what they do is for the good that the people they slander is for good reason, that you are doing something good by being rid of them, taking away there social media friends, everything they built to online, make there world come crashing down while the whole time you believe and trust so much in that person you feel you are actually doing good. 

 This is an issue I do believe that is become bigger and bigger each and every day and really see no protection against those that cyber bully people so much that they feel there's no way but take their own life.  Yet why is there no real protection of it some how online, to keep our children safe, to keep even adults safe.  I decided to do this blog due to being a person involved in being bullied by a cyber bully and I am an adult, it can happen to anyone.  

However my story is of the kind that I explained earlier of someone who gained my trust, that I thought was a good connection here in the cyber world, someone I truly believed in and what he was doing online, he made it seem he was keeping the internet safe of stalkers when in all actuality what he was doing was cyber bullying, turning innocent peoples lives upside down, and at the cost of hurting so many, who knows what could of have happened to these people, because we never really know what people are already battling in life to add on top of that the destruction of cyber bullying.

In 2011 after two years of knowing this person so well I honestly believed in this person, that what he was doing was a good cause, now that I look back there were so many signs, that is key to this all to not get so caught up in being that person that truly trust and gives all the benefit of the doubt to let that blind you of the warning signs that are happening right in front of your eyes, yet ignore for being the good person you are.  I will not use victim in this article anywhere because you are not a victim, you are simply a person that has a heart of gold that sincerely acts with love that falls short of the ugliness of cyber bullies.  This man was a business associate of a very popular actor at the time, so to me it was exciting, honorable, and grateful to be able to have this connection I thought at the time.  Not fully seeing the destruction on peoples lives he was doing.  To even think that I had a part in it, believing he was doing good breaks my heart to know now just exactly what he was, CYBER BULLY, and to know he is still online and out there I cringe in knowing who's lives he is still ruining.

Then it came around my way,  a lesson I do believe to open my eyes just how harmful it can be online to bully that it is in real life.  The day after my husband passed, now I say this again the day after my husband passed I was truly kicked while being down, if not the pain my world was in already along I had to become the person on the other side of being bullied by a cyber bully with no remorse, no compassion, a friend of mine and myself had a very well known presence online for a show we created that was very successful at the time, all our hard work was lost in the blink of an eye at the cost of a cyber bully.  

This is why I say never judge others because you never know what battles they go through already, as I lost my world I also had to be the person on the other side of bullying, watching my name be slandered, my reputation being ruined, all this at the very moment my life was already shattered, close connections were lost, all due to a cyber bully putting out into the internet words of me that were not of the truth.  People believing because of the position he was and so carefully gained trust of, I think to myself what if I was not a strong person, that going through what I was already that this heart wrenching bullying was too much to handle and I myself took my own life?.  

For me I was lucky, lucky to avoid the online destruction to focus on the loss of my husband what was the most important, because through this all I had a little girl who needed me, I wanted to be the healthiest minded, strong willed person I needed to be for her because it was not just my life that was gone it was hers as well.  With no defending of myself through it all, I now understand how easy it can be done, to turn a persons life so upside down that to some they believe there is no other way but to take their own lives at the cost of cyber bullying.  No words were really even worth the time since in me I knew of the truth and those that believed were never my friends at all, I smile in knowing that for three years now I talk of this story no longer embarrassed but proud to share of all things I can to reach out to all that may be going through it now.  

It feels good to not want to hide of the truth but let it out in honor of every child, parent, adult out there in the world to see and know just how of importance this matter is, to keep our children safe and well known of the action of others that may affect their life in knowing that what they do is not of any value of the true person that they are, that there is no such thing as no way out, or feeling stuck and alone.  For me now this is of the biggest concern, the most of importance to me now that my daughter is online, she plays fashion games, dress up games, learning games, building games, so right away I go to parent controls, filters and safe chat.  However that alone is not enough for me from the moment my daughter could understand she could be so open as she needed to be with me I instilled in her heart knowing she can come to me with anything, i'm proud to know that she does, although many other children out there my not be.

For me it is not just about the parent controls, the filters, the safe chat because I know if possible cyber bullies out there can maybe just maybe be smarter than all that, so I make action in monitoring often, sitting down taking interest in what it is she is doing to see what she is playing and what is happening in the games she plays.  To me it is time consuming but the cooking, cleaning, trying to do ten things at once that won't go no where, that making sure your child is safe is more important than anything else you have to do or may be doing.  As a person coming form the end of being bullied I know now what it can do to you, I know the signs in a person that is going through it, use the tools that I have learned through my experience and use them the best way that I can.  To many monitoring could also be seen as over protective, yet I'd rather be over protective then leave the life of my child in the hands of a cyber bully.

We and only we are what our children have to depend on, it is up to us all to be the protector, the teacher, the safety patrol of our child we are helping grow into the beautiful strong willed, positive, happy beings we want them to grow to be. Being online is of a more responsibility than we think, what we put out there is more of an impact to others then we think.  

The warning signs of cyber bullying are similar to those for traditional bullying in terms of emotional effects; however, there are some differences. For example, a bruise or torn clothing is not expected as a sign that a child is being cyber bullied, but it is also important to keep in mind that some children who are cyber bullied may also be experiencing traditional bullying at school.

A child may be experiencing cyber bullying if he or she..

appears sad, moody, or anxious
avoids school
withdraws from or shows a lack of interest in social activities
experiences a drop in grades or decline in academic performance
appears upset after using the computer or being online
appears upset after viewing a text message on a cell phone

Signs a Child is Bullying Others 

Kids may be bullying others if they:   Get into physical or verbal fights
Have friends who bully others
Are increasingly aggressive
Get sent to the principal’s office or to detention frequently
Have unexplained extra money or new belongings 
Blame others for their problems
Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity

Why don't kids as for help?

Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Kids may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale.

Kids may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.

Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Kids may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false. They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for being weak.

Kids who are bullied may already feel socially isolated. They may feel like no one cares or could understand.

Kids may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect kids from bullying, and kids can fear losing this support

I feel whole heartedly that if each and every person stood up to the problem at hand there would be no more lives taken, no more cyber bullying, that in each of us all it only takes one to take the stand to shine unto others to let them see what it is that you are doing to learn and do the same in their world to soon enough catch on to others and like the domino effect instead of so many turning cheek so many will be standing up, making the difference and putting an end to the grief of cyber bullying online, once the attention is strong and focused the more the bullies of the world will feel what they do can no longer be hidden, that what they do will be of the greatest consequences to themselves.  Being a single mom/parent I know we all lead busy lives but I do also know the love for our child is stronger than anything that we are doing.

Its takes the strong stand of so many out in this world to unite that with that alone the strength of all standing together anything can be done.  Instead of ignoring, acting as though it is not there, turning cheek, if we instead put all our focus into the matter at hand cyber bullying will be nothing of the past, yet in remembrance of those lost we will always remember, hold close to our hearts, and for them smile knowing no one else will ever be harmed.  So for me I will take action, I will always take interest in what it is my daughter is doing, educate her of the bad that can be even if inside your home and safe.  I will forever no matter how busy leave that busy behind for just a while to know my child is safe.  I know many parents feel the same, yet here we stand with it at large, still happening, still taking lives.

I leave you with a tragic story that even to the celebrities cyber bullying can happen to and enter their life.  http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity-life/charlotte-dawson-found-dead-after-long-and-public-battle-with-depression/story-fn907478-1226834561969  This does not have to be in the life we are living it is up to us to take the stand in every part of the world we are in and say NO, no we no longer accept cyber bullies, that we want our friends, family, child safe, nothing is ever to big to handle, if you put your mind to anything there is nothing you can not do, we can not do.

I know as a person who felt the wrath of cyber bullying that it will not get better nor go anywhere unless it is faced in the eyes and refused to even exist no longer, so who is it that can be the safety for us all?, we ourselves can be, to be educated and no longer ignore the fact that it is there and that it is growing.  Look to your child and ask, "how would I feel if my child was being bullied by a cyber bully and felt no way out and took their life?".  I know it is a tough subject, yet united nothing can not be beat.  Lead with love, do onto others as you would want them to do onto you.  Show your child to be the person you are so strongly striving to be.  Set the example and let them know there is not ever anything they can not approach us about, that with love it may seem bad at the time that it will be ok and it will go away.

When I think back to my story I wonder if it been not me but someone else if that person did not see things the way I did if they would of felt taking their own life?, it scares me to know of so many loving souls out there that this affects each and every day and how many lost due to it.  I look to my daughter to know that the strength of so many will keep her safe in the future ahead, that cyber bullying will be nothing but of a memory.  For the time being I take the responsibility to protect and keep safe my daughter from the ugliness that circulates around in cyber land, that nothing what I do is ever more important then her safety, that for her to also know the effects of words spoken out in cyber land, to be the loving, kind hearted person she is.  That no matter what the ugliness of words spoken are never right, that to treat others the way she would want them to treat her.

It only takes one person to stand up and take action to show to the world just how important it is for others to start doing the same.

This song is a suicide awareness song by:  ~ Paul Luftenegger ~