Calgon 911

For my daughters six, seventh and eighth part of life I became a single mom through out those years, what a smack in the face it was having that extra hands, that extra shoulder, encouragement, and love with you on the roller coaster ride of parenthood.  It was quite a shocker to me how I thought it be easier as they grew ha what a surprise to me that it never gets easier, when they grow into themselves it seems they seem to think they are eight going on eighteen.  Through the ups and downs and wanting to pull your hair out, while doing ten things at once trying to keep on top of everything, we seem to let go of the importance of it all, taking extra time to stop, admire our child, admire how far they've come and oh how fast they have grew, to take the extra seconds to just be with them, show interest in what they do, what their likes are, what it is they really love doing.  

For me at first being a single mom was getting things done, not looking to the beauty of what is that is around, it was feeling accomplished, making sure that this was done that was done, just never ever realizing that all those things could wait, to understand that in all the commotion you're forgetting to be in the moment, allowing yourself to truly enjoy and just be with your child.  I believe that is of how it is for many single moms out there, we are so afraid if we don't keep up with what we feel is important that we are not being a successful parent, mean while the whole time through the hustle and bustle the only thing that counts the most is your child knowing you see them, you hear them, your there for them, that everything else is less of importance than them themselves to you.  

There are truly days I know that we feel the burn, we feel the forever going in circles of wondering is there ever an end to what we have to do in a day.  To let go and understand that it is what it is if a chore goes undone, a meal gets burned,  an errand goes unfinished that tomorrow is another day.  Our child and the bond between our child and us is most important, stop trying to be perfect because you feel your trying to take on the world to do your best to show others that you can do it, the smile, the self-esteem, the bright light and love your child beams shows the world all that on its own that you are doing it all the very best that you can and you are doing it alone, no different than if with an extra parent. 

It truly is a task at hand on some days, hearing the whining, the talking back, or the Mr and Miss' know it all attitude that comes on through some days ha ha I laugh now but in the moment I know it's as though you want to just scream and perhaps hide somewhere and have someone else be mom for the day.  Oh yea I forgot my perception of getting older was the tantrums would no longer be, boy was I fooled, they just become bigger and louder.  Sometimes just sometimes I give in to stop from cringing to the noise that I hear, however we are not perfect, no one is perfect, there should be moments of happy medium in moments of surrender.

 I do believe, however through it all ignoring along with holding onto the cringe is to be, soon enough the storm passes and your ears can hear silence, you still have your hair, and your child learns that not all the time they get what they want, being a single mom sometimes can be financially stressing and we feel bad for not being able to give our child all they want, however if we did how do you think that would be?, it's not in the materialistic things we grow a child, it is with love, compassion and nurturing and teaching.  We are all here doing the very best we can, that is all that needs to be felt and done, recognition of how you are doing as a parent from others is not of importance, looking to your child, seeing them become amazing little people is all recognition you need to see.

For the parents out there that went through it all on their own I send all my love, respect, and all to because I do not even remember most of the first year of my little girls life because of so many things that go on keeping you so consumed in it all that there truly is no time to stop fully to enjoy some precious moments lost due to the crazy and endless appointments, bottle cleaning, diaper changing, heart failures and all that go on as you hurry around frantically to get it all done.  My hat off to all you single mommies who have did it alone from the start.  I don't think there is ever a right or wrong way to how we keep on keeping on, we all build our own tools that work for us, we all do the best of our heart in this big world helping our child grow. 

I'm here to say that it is not just you that on days feel you can't do it, or you want to pull your hair out, or cry due to all the things that pile up in our life, yet in it, through it all we make it through, we find our self smiling in knowing another day has been completed, all the struggles in between fade and we watch our child looking like an angel of God as they sleep, thinking to ourselves "that is part of us, we created that beautiful life".  Its not about feeling bad in your struggles and hard times because out of it becomes the calm after the storm, our child sees nothing but love for being there anyway no matter how much tantrums happen, tears that are shed, at the end of the day they see what all you do for them, the love beyond this world you have for them and know your their rock, that here you are standing behind them no matter what.

I often think of could of, should of, but that just cuts you short of all the I did's, I'm doing, and great struggles accomplished.  Forget the regret of what ifs and focus on what you are doing and what you have already done.  So much remorse can come upon us but that is not anything that can't be beat if we remember the great accomplishments we have made and where we are now.  Our child I'm sure feels no remorse, due to the fact that you and your love keeps them in a positive state no matter how bad a day it has been.  It's ok to feel you want to scream, pull your hair out, hide some where, take a vacation because it is not just you that feels that way, no one is perfect and can not say it has been easy for them.  It's the joyous ride of single mommy roller coaster rides we all endure, yet through it all if we could go back in time we would never change a thing.  Maybe that bad hair style we chose to get.

This mom here leads with all of my love, because coming from your heart nothing can stand in your way, nothing can steer you wrong, at the end of the day the prayers keep you fueled and the good Lord knows the miracle of life blessed upon you is being taken care of to its best.  That what we go through we know deep down it is never given if could not be handled.  I know these past years the blessings, growth and learning's to my heart have been the most glorious even in the times of great pain, it all washes away as soon as I see my little girl looking so at peace as she lay to sleep and energize her bright soul.  That in that face of peace I smile in knowing that all of the second guessing and remorse fades away for my heart to beam in knowing there is nothing I could of done better.  Feeling bad for feeling bad has no space in all the right that you are doing day to day.

There use to be a time in my life that I allowed myself to feel less of a person for being alone, that I could never do the parenting properly by myself alone, we stick onto the perceptions of others so much we let the control of our life get lost in what others believe that we let go of listening to our hearts, that with 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, parents is not any different than one alone if all the love in your heart fills their lives, that you do the best that you can to your fullest, that you let go of the guilt, to look back to see that you have done it, that your still doing it, that mistakes were the tools to your growth and lessons to your parenting, that no matter what their will be many of moments of break downs but our child will always know they are loved and that is they key to a healthy, blissful, growing strongly life taking place in front of your eyes, each and every day.

On moments of weakness I say stop take your second and breathe, that alone has more strength and energy in it then just ignoring the fact that you need a second and leaving you full of stress, and it building more and more harming you than to just stop and take that second to breathe and release,  I m not here to be as though I know it all, I am here to share and let others out there know they are not alone, that any kind of words of support I can give along with acknowledging all single moms out there and giving the hand needed in all your times of hard times, knowing that there is a place to be to talk of the struggle, the pains, all that come with parenting alone and be safe in knowing judgement does not exist in this world I created for you all.  Just to be an encouragement and lift others is all my heart loves to do.

Bringing tips, easy to do's, the ins and outs of the great topic that makes us all want to pull our hair out DATING HA HA, everything or anything I can share to make your life lighter, brighter easier I will do all of my best to do.  It's funny The dating topic should be a fun one, isn't it a scary yet funny place out there?  that dating is more to a single mom than just to someone with no child because not only we have to bring a person in our life to love us we have a package deal.  That's a whole other topic coming soon on its own.  I'm here to just let others know there is no perfect way in parenting, that even the best of the best make mistakes, if mistake never made lessons would never be learned that we need.  So keep on parenting, kicking butt, know that wanting to pull your hair out, scream, hide, run, all that and more is normal, to beat yourself up or feel bad is losing touch in the growth that waits in front of you.

The best gift to us all is the peace in our child's face as they sleep, and the endless "I Love you mommies that end our days that touch our heart letting us know we are doing things the best way, that our child is loved the fullest.  Through tantrums to tears to bad days through it all at the end of the day that peace and love is worth it all, that is confirmation to our heart that yet again another day accomplished, bring on tomorrow.