Change is your Rainbow

So through so much change that has been happening in such a fast paced whirlwind the last three months I smile in such gratitude and can never be so proud of a mommy I am today.  Yet through these strong, powerful, heart wrenching changes none of it was easy, none I thought we would get through.  That's just it if you tell yourself "its impossible" you will always be afraid of the hard work that lies ahead of your life in the dark, hiding from the change that wants you to be for the brighter.  

My little girl has been home schooled by me for four years, after her father had passed away the feeling to me in my heart was to grab onto all I had left and thought that in my heart it be good for us to have this time together, however for many reasons I knew later it was the fear of not being able to let go.  I started to feel it was not in my heart to keep on like this, sleeping schedule messed up, my daughter was with me 24/7 , that simple things I noticed were no longer, that woke me up loudly,  started me to take all the strength in my heart to realize the hard change that needed to be changed, for the love of us both, to look up and think how her dad would want the same as I felt in my heart.  

After hard, challenging, heart wrenching change, and many falling downs we worked through the change each and every day through the summer for our high rising moment of REAL school to come into our lives, it was not just real school, it was literally my little girl getting use to everything, going outside, making friends, getting up early, having a schedule, not being afraid of going in the car, the little things that may seem so simple that she was so out of touch with just by simply being in a world she forgot was around her. 

Something so simple this may sound but to know what struggles my little girl had to face no words can ever explain just how bright my heart beam in seeing her take those hard times and fears and face them each and every day.  After many opinions of counselors and psychiatrists the diagnoses was as my heart had known for far too long but afraid to change, her an I had become into a trap of being together too much that we fell into a trap we never wanted to get out in the thought of it being our security blanket.

Once I realized just how much this affected my little girl I knew it was time as the mom to take the lead and show her that change is not fear, change is making your life full of dreams and doors opening all around, it's about freeing yourself from the fear of dark making you crippled to take the one baby step of all you need to let go of the fear and embrace the grace.  The summer felt so helpless in moments we would never make it, however that vision of believing and knowing how it could be is what kept us getting back up each time and being the tough cookies her father always told us we were.  

I literally could not breathe in thinking of letting her go, I cried many tears, was literally knocked down I felt for the count, however by the grace of God, the love of my husband passed I looked to our little girl in wanting the best life she deserves, that we deserve and I knew the rut we got caught in was not it.  As time went on things unraveled before my eyes so quickly, my little girl was spreading her wings getting ready to soar.  From just that little baby step out the snowballing effect came so fast taking my breath away, looking to my little girl in such gratitude and oh so proud of her.  

Grief sometimes, or any kind of fears can keep us back from the greatest things that we miss out in fear of the greatest moment to our life in the being caught up in being afraid to face our fear, our change, to not ever ignore change because if it is knocking it is not knocking for no reason it is a sign that something great is trying to get your attention.  Being a mom I take such deep compassion in wanting all the best for my little girl, that on her own I want her to know the real life and know an be her own little young lady and be all that she can be, to dream her own dreams, I wanted her to grow and my heart whispers told me holding on was not the way to let her grow to become the beautiful young lady and great bright light she is by keeping her close to me and holding on tight.  

Now I smile so proudly, so grateful, to see her become her own person each day as she faces her fears as she steps out the door each day to conquer her day.  To see her be on her own in real school and also seeing in the letting go I had feared so much is truly really where our next chapter has been waiting for us for far too long, to see her shine, that her shine is seen in others,  they to can see that shine.   I praise with thanks that God touched our lives in strength and love to pick us up as we fell down an not once doubted we could not handle what we were going through.  

I see my little girl and know now that changes no matter how feared are the whisper from your heart letting you know it is time to take the step,  walk strong for the more greatness that awaits your bravery.  It is not about just going to school it is about seeing the brightness of our future in the reflection of the change we face no matter what, no matter what fear lays in it.  

Its the over flowing emotion you feel that there is not anything you cannot do, that the more you change the more you want, that the light becomes brighter and everything you see around is pure beauty and that the life you vision so full of grace, love, dreams coming true, abundance, gratitude, the more you want to live your days to the fullest and fullest and fullest, it is where you understand you are strong enough, you are brave enough, you can be and do what you choose to be, you just have to grab that change and walk strong through it all no matter how many times you fall, you cry, you feel you can't, you just CAN.

I spoke to a grief Counselor today that made me feel so grateful for what I have in my heart, through these amazing mile stones my little girl had a down day and it took a lot to get it out of her but from her heart to mine she had told me "I miss Daddy", and then I had went back to the day before she was going to school an how heavy my heart was in knowing he was not here in the flesh to see his smile in what his little girl has so strongly worked to get to, that I looked to in understanding just as I do in times of great moments happening her heart goes through it as well.  So I thought hard of what to do to help ease her heart, I spoke to her that "her Daddy cannot be seen but he always sees what she does, that he is always with her and knows, that he is always with her keeping her safe and loving her, I told her that it is ok to feel the way she is feeling because more days are going to happen through every proud moment she goes through in life but close her eyes and know her Daddy sees and knows exactly what she is doing and is oh so proud of his little girl".

After that she smiled and that broke the silence of her thinking that it is ok, that she does not have to be afraid to make me sad that we can be sad together and do something together to ease our time of missing his presence here.  So that night she cut a heart out of paper all on her own, wrote "I love you Daddy" and we both lit a candle together and placed the heart under the candle, she looked to me and I could see in her eyes the pain yet again was behind us, that she had the sparkle in her eye of a bright life, that not anything is not doable, that in me she will always be able to find her Dads love an support to whatever it is she needed.

The next day after picking her up from school we both went to a store to pick up a balloon of her daddies favorite color, and words on it that said "I love you".  When we got home we took the heart she had made, tied it to the balloon when out in the bright beautiful sunshine and before letting it go she said "I love you Daddy", she smiled just as bright as the sun when she watched the balloon rise to the bluest sky and said "Daddy will get that".  I smiled so proud because in moments of hurt such bright rainbows shine through that lift that pain yet again through the hard steps of every day you face in grief of a loss hard time to the life we grow in to together knowing the loss of the presence that once was.

In DEDICATION to this blog I would like to thank Bryan Chadwick, the man who showed me I can love again, that there are many rooms in your heart for love, they may be different but they are there, that people are put in your life for reason not coincidence, for his support, his love, his forever grace of always reminding us we can do it, his unconditional love of accepting not only my love but my daughter as well, for his undying belief in us that never strayed.  Also to my little girls BFF Sariah for helping her come out of her shell, and to the forever loving solid support in our lives that surround us every day we wake.  Change is how you perceive it, you can see it as something that will keep you stuck in the ark in fear of it, or you can walk strongly through it through the ups,  downs and knock downs, yet never losing sight in the blessings of all you want it to be and more.  Don't let go of you, change is always around because it is the way we grow and spread our wings and fly like we have always had in us.

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The Truth and Nothing But The Truth

This post was a post I did when confronting the truth to one of life's toughest of things to ever of had to say and choose to speak of to my little girl, knowing in my heart no matter how hard, that it would never not be easy, my heart knew it owed it to her heart to speak of the truth through it all.  That no matter how small their hearts and minds may seem they are bigger than we think.  The truth to no matter what life brings should always be, in the way your heart leads you, I think to myself if it were me asking I'd want the truth to be said and not bare the burden of life time regrets held for simply not letting the truth be known.

This could be from divorce, a parent walking out on their child, losing a pet, to any kind of loss, a child knows that something is no longer there, to lie,  to walk around what may be hurtful, or to thinking in protection of your child is a huge thing we all want to do, however when the lie becomes known the regret, resentment and forever disbelief in what you say from then on is far more hurtful than to speak of the truth and find ways through the pain that comes from time to time, you find your way through your heart to find the ways to be your comfort onto your child and for yourself, even through the littlest of things can bring great comfort to you both through the hurt, pain and struggles.

Both of you together will always find your ways back to your smiles, that love between you both is stronger than any thing that comes to your lives to shed darkness on your days.  It is a battle but in that battle love will always clear the battlefield you are in.  It may sound harsh, hard, and all we want to do is to protect our child from hurt but through life we cannot shield them forever from life's pain, to be honest no matter what is to clear the air of your bond for your child to see that you were never but truthful with them, that you fought the great battles along side them to help them through it all.  You were there to be their strength when they needed it.  Truth is always told to us that it sets us free, that means no difference to a child that faces the hardest of times in life that we live.

As those years go by and they look back to all the and nothing but the truth you have been, they to know and learn no matter the consequences truth is always the way, they respect you for being truthful and teaching onto them the hurtful truth no matter what may be hard but in time worth it an to know there were always ways to make it through that pain with you by their side.

So here is my story:

Your body truly gives you a miracle when your loved one just passes away, to feel complete and utter numbness.  This is the body’s gift to you; I honestly see that now looking back on it all.  Numbness to make it through moments that no person should ever have to face.  From wills, to funeral arrangements, to watching your loved one be set to rest, it is a true blessing that in that time we feel complete numbness throughout our body, heart and soul.  

The one truly painful of all is to have to bring your voice to speak the words to your child/children that their parent has passed away.  Old or young this will never be easy to say or be heard.  Having to say this to a little child is no different to a teenager or adult. 

The final moments have gone by, the signing of papers to release my one true love to a funeral home.  All I could think of was my little girl, how blessed I was that I had her, she was all of my reason to move forward.  The only thing I could think of was to hug her, kiss her, and then I realized what it was I had to say to her.  Her Daddy was the proudest Father of his little girl, now I was faced to tell her that her Daddy was no longer here, no longer alive.  Thinking of ways to tell her this I remembered stories told to me by so many people whose parents that were not at all honest with their child/children like; “your parent is gone away”, “your parent left us”, “your parent is just asleep for a while”, “your parent is gone away to work for a while”, or to simply nothing at all.  From these stories I remember that all that came from these lies was a life time grudge, that for their whole entire life they never forgave their parent for not telling the truth.  

So as I was on my way home to my daughter I knew no matter how hard it was what I owed to her heart was to speak the truth, just as I have from the beginning.  I made sure from the beginning of her Father’s sickness she knew that he may not get better, that he may have to one day go be with Jesus in Heaven, to be our Angel, that if he did he would always love us and be with us, not to be seen but through his love.  Kids are little people they know, they feel as well as understand, they just need to be told the truth the best way that we can tell them. 

Sitting down with her in a quiet room down to her eye level looking in to her eyes I told her, as hard as it was, as painful as it felt, in the best way I could, I told her.  My daughter has always been good with talking to me, sharing her feelings with me.  I always made sure she could do that with me.  From that day forward she knew whatever it was she felt to just come to me, to let me know.  If it was she missed her daddy, if she felt sad, angry or just missing him, she always did.  No matter how hard it was I embraced her, I embraced her feelings.  Even when the pain is so unbearable we have to let our child/children speak of their pain as well. 

One day I decided that we should start letting go balloons with a note attached whenever she wanted to let her daddy know something.  Something so little like this can bring healing to you even little by little.  I noticed at the cemetery this little gesture helped tremendously, she smiled bright as the balloon went in to the clouds, it was at that moment I seen a sparkle in her eyes, that was when I knew she too was on her way to healing.  That in her heart she was starting to feel the pain evapourate.  It sometimes is the simplest of things that help mend our broken hearts.

Note to all:  This blog post took all it had in me to relive.  Many sentences left me with tears.  We all have it in us to get through the toughest of times.  If I did it right now, right here, you all can too.

A LITTLE RITUAL THAT HELPED TREMENDOUSLY:  Each night before we would lie to sleep me and my little girl would always say our goodnights to him.  Saying “goodnight daddy”, followed by a simple yet to the point prayer “I love daddy, daddy loves me, God bless daddy and God bless me.  Je t’aime beacoup daddy”, since he was French and always said this to her before he went to sleep when he was with us.

Through the little gestures that work for us they seem so much more than little gestures that help us move toward healing, to help the pain ease up a little.  Whatever it is for all of you find the little things that work for you.

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The Love of a parent

I share this with you because I became a single parent fast through losing my husband, but also through it found that the strongest of love for your child brings you through the hardest of obstacles, hurdles and pain.

Going through the grief of losing my husband has shattered my heart so many of times, but through it all each and every time I’ve put those pieces back together, some would think that is impossible but to me nothing is ever impossible, with all the love that you hold in you to the love that surrounds, to the love of God all of that makes the impossible to possible, to finding the good in every little thing no matter how shattered you may feel, no matter how many times you feel you got knocked down.  Yet the greatest of hurt comes from our daughter when she comes to me to say “I miss having a daddy”, what do you say to a little girl who is just beginning life and sees only the world in the purest of eyes.   It’s not something you can turn your cheek to and ignore; it is her heart telling yours she feels as you do on your bad days of missing that life we once had.  There are really no right ways to address that situation, accept take a deep breath, feel the love of your loved one passed to stand up and represent what their heart would say if it were them in your shoes.

After having a tough week followed by an actual normal day this was the words brought to me on a day I actually felt like I was me again, to come to almost fall to my knees hearing what came from my little girls mouth.  I took the time to gain my strength and you see some may feel that where do you get the strength to answer that?   Well for me it comes from the heart and the love of the greatest love you have for your child, and in knowing her heart feels just as big as mine does, that it is not over for her either.  So in all of me I honestly wanted to pretend I did not hear but my heart knows that the pain of grief never goes undone if it does it just digs a bigger hole in you to build to a bigger and bigger problem later in your life.  So I took my deep breath and sat down and asked her “what was your favorite memory of being with daddy”?  she looked at me for a little and told me, “well it’s not just one thing I remember a lot of favorite things, but I really liked it when we went to the river together and had ice cream”, smiling I asked her what else is it she could remember, she said “well I remember us going to the beach and playing in the sand”, Feeling the tears I told her “well how about when you miss having a daddy you remember all your favorite things you did with him, that even though I’m not her daddy I still could do those things with her”,  I asked her to tell me more of what she could remember, she said “I liked everything we did, car rides, looking for horses, getting my Slurpee’s, playing hide and seek”, I looked at her and asked “do you miss having a daddy right now?  She said “no”, I said “see, when you miss your daddy think of all the times you spent together, and we will do all that together, that I was not daddy but the things they loved doing together could still be done”.  So that night we started a daddy list of all things she loved to do with her dad and started working on doing those things. 

She smiled big as we wrote each and everything down on the list, I looked at her to remind her that her dad will always love her, be with her in her heart and all around her, that where ever he is he knows what she is doing and never stops being her guardian angel, that every day he may be unseen he is there, she is part of him, that even though I am one person I represent both daddy and my love for her, so that through me she always has both our love, that just because I was not daddy didn’t mean she had to stop all the things she loved doing with her daddy.  Then I realised I’ve lost my dad and looked to her to say you are not the only person in this world to lose a daddy that “I lost my daddy to”, so together when we miss our daddies we can always talk about our things we loved doing with our daddies”, so than of course that led to her making me make a list of all the things I loved doing with my dad, which was oh so hard and so full of tears in knowing my relationship was far more different than her and her dads relationship, but that right there through the pureness of her asking to my surprise I found some moments that I did love doing with my dad, lesson to my heart from my eight year old little girl, that through your heart you will always find those favorite things no matter how hard the relationship was with that person you lost. Through her I was able to see my little girl and pure love for my dad as she did that night for her dad.

After all of this we both looked to one another to actually smile, I hugged her so tight and she told me “your daddy to than can see you right?   He is your guardian angel to right?  He knows than you love him right now, than he knows that so than he knows you always have even though you didn’t see him a lot he knows right now that even than you loved him?  I told her, “I guess he does your right”.  Her brilliance of everything she sees and knowledge she carries astounds me every day.  She looked at me to ask “does that mean daddy can hear and know I love him?  I told her “daddy knows you love him even when you don’t say it”, that he always will feel her love every day.  She looked at me and smiled and we talked more and looked through pictures of her and her daddy, through the greatest of your love for another there is always the purest of emotion that puts to rest all those negative of feelings that come on so fast and so strong leaving them in the past of yet another moment conquered with acknowledgement and love.  It’s not easy to pick up those pieces but it’s easy when you look to the love of your child knowing in you is answers they are trying to find, that even if the answers are not there through your heart you will always find the way to address their hearts.  The one most important thing to me was to be there always for her no matter how hard or bad of a day I had, and every time I’ve god fully found the way to lift her up in her moments of need.

In the conversation I was reminded of the first year of losing my husband how I thought I could not believe the strength I endured devoting my all to making sure our little girls heart was being fully attended to leading me to put my own grief on hold that built bigger and bigger to a bigger issue later on but smiled in knowing that it was her first I wanted to make sure would be comforted that through that my own grief in little ways was also being addressed but still having to go through my own grief I knew after all that there was nothing I could not walk through, that through all that I had the strength to make it through my own.  These moments are far from over yet with love they will subside and be comforted, through that the pain will never be greater than all our love together.  That God is seeing what it is we go through that in it all we will never be without the love and strength we need to do the hard work of every situation that comes to our lives in grief we feel. 

Since then more has been added to that list, and one by one we do the things on that list.  She makes sure to read that list every day, to remind me that it is something special to her, checking it over and over she smiles in all the memories she remembers of her daddy and her, special moments they had together, special times we had all together, the biggest thing to my heart is through her I was able to find a list of my own no matter how distant of a relationship I had with my dad there were still good memories to be remembered.  So every time she smiles looking to her list, so do I knowing that there actually were moments I had as well.  The saying “God never gives you more than you can't handle” I do believe in now because through all of our struggles here we are still today smiling, laughing, making dreams come true, making it through hardest of moments but finding the blessing in it all.  That moving forward is the option we choose to know in faith we will always make it through our obstacles that come our way.  That in it your heart finds the way to let us know just what it is we need to do, that to feel the love and go from there to find the sparkle in our life, to find the sparkle never fades through the heart felt actions of love.

Our little girl lost her daddy way to soon, yet we have to understand that there are others in this world that are going through so much more than we know, that we have to find it in us to find things to be grateful for now, to find the memories to brighten our hearts, to remember that love never leads you a stray.  To understand that we are not the victims, we are the students learning in the big classroom of the world in life we live, that we could either choose to stand still or find ways to walk through the hurt to find all the little blessings that get us through that pain.  A child, your child is never one to ignore the feelings that come your way because at the time you don’t know what to say nor feel that you can't, if you take the time to breathe, find it in you what your heart is feeling than through that you will always find the ways to address whatever it is they seek to hear and learn from you.  The strength of your loved ones passed with the love of God will always whisper to your heart if you take your moment to gather your strength and let your heart be the lead to whatever it is you got to do.

Makes me smile that I always find the gems through the hardest of times, that no matter how hard the times may seem that gem is right there waiting for you to take in and learn.  The more of a struggle you go through the more of a greater lesson and blessing to be taught through it.  Don’t walk around, walk through, your child is also to be walked with hand in hand through it as well in their times they need it.  Find the ways no matter how small to comfort their loss, there will always be ways to let you know what it is to do, if only you let go of your own pain, to gather yourself and move forward, your love will take the lead and through it you will see another moment passed and behind you with a lesson of the greatest to you and your child.  I’m amazed to see that in rock bottom through love I built my way back up in a solid foundation that I still build up to this day, yet looking back I smile to see that in that solid was my building that allowed that structure to remain solid backed by the faith and love of God, my husband passed and now my own dad.

You can be broken a thousand times but every time you can put those pieces back together shaping you into a person you thought you would never be.  Sometimes it may lose some pieces in the building back together but in those missing pieces you gain more.  Our daughter will forever live with grief as I do but we both together will learn to leave that space in our lives to live with it, through it.  I know her daddy will never let us down, that my dad will forever keep teaching me the greatest of life lessons as he has been doing since he left this world.  Our little girl and I will find in us love, faith, happiness and joy always because we choose to, because through it all each and every time we lift our own selves a little higher each time, we live the happiest of life we can knowing where we are the love of our life is there to, that in it all God hears our cries to bless upon us of lessons to our hearts to build our foundation stronger and higher every time.

My husband passed left a piece of him here with me, through her we still hold that family love, that love will never leave us, we carry it through to the life we move through now.  I’m proud to know that my daughter is slowly starting to be the young lady I showed her how to be, that no matter what guided by heart you will never be led to the wrong.  I’m grateful for her love; it is her love that shows me to seek things through the eyes of a child which is to see of the purest.  So denying them In their time of needs is to deny your own self, what they hold in them is a piece of you as well, that denying of what they need to seek from you only grows into bigger, worse things in the end.  To walk through it together is to conquer and leave in the behind waiting for the next hurdle to jump over together.

Through it all through the hardest of times your heart will always be, through the heart is the gate open of love, in there will never lay darkness or negativity.  Every time my daughter smiles I smile in knowing she’s feeling love and knows that she is loved to the fullest, the proudest moments of all is to see that smile through another moment in grief left in the past behind us because we walked through it and made it through.   I know in my heart my husband passed touches our hearts every time we go through those dark moments.  That in her hurt she is graced upon by her daddies love.  Moving those negative thoughts to seek positive will always erase those moments of darkness in life that come on so very quickly, in time, love, patience and strength you find your rainbow, you feel the weight lift and you find your smile again.

NOTE TO ALL:   Do not take the short cut through hurt, walk gracefully head held high hand in hand with your child to know loves got your back, that no matter what or how long it takes you will make it through yet another dark moment graced by your loved ones passed alongside the love of God, there is always the strength in you to pick up the broken and gather your love to help your child through there hardest of times, as you do for your own.  Feel the love, back it with your loved ones passed love always and that darkness will forever disappear each and every time in any moment it creeps upon you.  The hurt you see in your child’s eyes can be debilitating to you but to remember the smile you make appear is what makes you kick that debilitation aside to reach deep in your heart to seek that smile again.  The love of god, the love of our loved ones passed there is nothing more powerful than that, the love of your child is the kind of love that never ever breaks, so walk that walk through the pain and wait for the smile to fill your heart with joy to moving forward to living your life bravely full of love and higher than before.   Our children become what they see in us so always choose love not silence.

And I know I'm strong enough to mend ~ Mariah Carey

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Computers, Devices, Gadgets Good Grief

Do you remember the times when we were younger how outside was our fun, our imagination, our get away?, the only place where we wanted to be playing with friends, being in the fresh air, no TV, no electronics, devices, games to play on TV.  Through out our days it never fizzed us to know or feel what boring was but simply keeping ourselves occupied with our own imagination of games played outside, knowing as soon as the street lights came on we better be inside or we would hear the screeching yell of our names called to get our butts inside.  

I don't remember wanting to ever occupy my time with electronics, devices, games, all of which consume our lives so much on a daily basis now a days.   I remember drawing, playing with my toys, wanting to be in the outdoors climbing, jumping, getting into some good trouble haha, where did hide and seek go?.  Social media, laptops, computers, ps4, is all consumed by our lives these days that the outdoors you barely see of any child/children play as you walk the streets.  Although social media has brought a lot of good and connecting of greatness in our lives I still am frowning upon it all when it comes to my child.  

I do not want her to be the one that is so consumed by all these gadgets that she forgets what imagination is, that how fun it is to just draw or simply play with toys.  Yes sometimes I find myself becoming a victim to the over load of online, cell phones, social media, yet I never ever forget where the true realness of life stands.  

If your a single parent it is easy at times to plug in your child to get things you need done to occupy your child so you don't have to pull your hair out with all the mom, ma, mommies, yet there is a point where you have to be the leader to teach your child/children that all this stuff is not the only way of life.  That the great outdoors has more meaning to any device that makes them happy to play or do.  

To just say enough is enough to take a break and go outside, to show them that outside is a fun place to, that it is more to be outside than caught up inside consumed in games and computers.  I know of so many that just over look this but how are we going to teach our child that life is more than just materialistic things if we as their parent does not show them.  

Yes I know the tantrums that could wake the dead is what mostly holds us back from unplugging,  yet worth it when the tantrum subsides and quiets to find a smile on your child's face as your spending time outside having fun in simple things, throwing a ball, finding butterflies, seeing fire flies, taking a walk, seeing all the beauty that is all around you to take it all in.  

This is a huge issue for me, every day its a battle to stop and pull my daughter from what she is doing to simply get her away from what could very well consume all her time.  Even to just sit and talk, or draw a picture, or even make some crafts, for me it is more and more important to take that place back in the day and use it in these days where we have so much more to occupy us but yet keep us from life going on happening outside.

Wow I would of never thought of the many thing these days that have been created and so easily distracted by to keep us from what real life happens outside, we get so wrapped into these things we sometimes block out the whole world, I know it happens to me and when it does I shake my head in awe of how it was when I was a child to how different it is today for our kids.  Yet it is never too hard to keep those days alive even if for a couple hours, or sometimes to unplug for the weekend, just to keep grounded and let your child see there is way more to life than all the stuff that is out today that is fun yet keeps them from own imagination or the world that is going on outside.

Yes I confess to plugging in my child sometimes because as a single parent there are things you want to be done and get done with out interruptions, yet I never let it get to the point where its a hour after hour thing, I keep in perspective of how my life was as a child and bring that into my daughters life, so she don't lose imagination, or miss the wondrous of outside.  I hear all the screaming and tantrums around the world as other parents feel the same way having to tear away their child away from all the gadgets of today.

However I do know it is something enjoyed by our child yet know how more important it is to not have more than enough of a good thing, to let it be in moderation, but wow what a battle, yet in that battle is for very good intentions even though they may not see now they will when older with own children ha ha payback lol.  It is so very hard as a single parent I believe to balance that out because it is just one of us that battles this out every day and sometimes feel the need to not want to face that battle sometimes.

It truly is a big ongoing issue in every household I believe, way too much at our finger tips and not enough time to play it.  I myself find myself sometimes clinging to my cell phone, shaking my head thinking back to the days I did not have one and what it was I did with out one, so why change now, however there are some that need that connection if working from home, yet it is very easy to not go all out and take the time to take the breaks you need so your not caught up in it all as well, what our children learn from us, they see us do they soon do.  If they see us taking the breaks then soon they catch on and that battle that once was so horrifying becomes less and less. It truly frightens me that so much is around us, that if we let it could very well take over our child and all that they would want to do.

This is not to say to never let our child have their fun, this is to say in moderation as it is to everything else, to keep in their life to see there is life outside, that to take notice in life outside of their gadgets inside, to know to learn to take breaks and not have to battle the to do it, to keep their imagination alive, to bring back the days where we lived in with none of what they have these days.  To remember there is things outside to have fun with, functions to be at and have just as much fun, just to value that there is more to life than missing real life outside of their bubble of many gadgets of the indoors.

If it is not us enforcing this into our child's life no one else will, we are the ones they look up to, learn from and grow to be what they see in us.  It's hard at times the yelling and tantrums but soon enough it quiets and they see from you that life is not just all about their noses in computers, games, ps4's etc etc etc lol.  Be the enforcer and lead your child to be the person you want to see them to be.

Hollar all mommies out there if you were an outdoor gal with out a care in the world with the wind blowing in your hair.  We won't get into fashion because that is the one thing I'm so grateful for to of changed since I was younger haha.

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