This post was a post I did when confronting the truth to one of life's toughest of things to ever of had to say and choose to speak of to my little girl, knowing in my heart no matter how hard, that it would never not be easy, my heart knew it owed it to her heart to speak of the truth through it all. That no matter how small their hearts and minds may seem they are bigger than we think. The truth to no matter what life brings should always be, in the way your heart leads you, I think to myself if it were me asking I'd want the truth to be said and not bare the burden of life time regrets held for simply not letting the truth be known.
This could be from divorce, a parent walking out on their child, losing a pet, to any kind of loss, a child knows that something is no longer there, to lie, to walk around what may be hurtful, or to thinking in protection of your child is a huge thing we all want to do, however when the lie becomes known the regret, resentment and forever disbelief in what you say from then on is far more hurtful than to speak of the truth and find ways through the pain that comes from time to time, you find your way through your heart to find the ways to be your comfort onto your child and for yourself, even through the littlest of things can bring great comfort to you both through the hurt, pain and struggles.
Both of you together will always find your ways back to your smiles, that love between you both is stronger than any thing that comes to your lives to shed darkness on your days. It is a battle but in that battle love will always clear the battlefield you are in. It may sound harsh, hard, and all we want to do is to protect our child from hurt but through life we cannot shield them forever from life's pain, to be honest no matter what is to clear the air of your bond for your child to see that you were never but truthful with them, that you fought the great battles along side them to help them through it all. You were there to be their strength when they needed it. Truth is always told to us that it sets us free, that means no difference to a child that faces the hardest of times in life that we live.
As those years go by and they look back to all the and nothing but the truth you have been, they to know and learn no matter the consequences truth is always the way, they respect you for being truthful and teaching onto them the hurtful truth no matter what may be hard but in time worth it an to know there were always ways to make it through that pain with you by their side.
So here is my story:
Your body truly gives you a miracle when your loved one just passes away, to feel complete and utter numbness. This is the body’s gift to you; I honestly see that now looking back on it all. Numbness to make it through moments that no person should ever have to face. From wills, to funeral arrangements, to watching your loved one be set to rest, it is a true blessing that in that time we feel complete numbness throughout our body, heart and soul.
The one truly painful of all is to have to bring your voice to speak the words to your child/children that their parent has passed away. Old or young this will never be easy to say or be heard. Having to say this to a little child is no different to a teenager or adult.
The final moments have gone by, the signing of papers to release my one true love to a funeral home. All I could think of was my little girl, how blessed I was that I had her, she was all of my reason to move forward. The only thing I could think of was to hug her, kiss her, and then I realized what it was I had to say to her. Her Daddy was the proudest Father of his little girl, now I was faced to tell her that her Daddy was no longer here, no longer alive. Thinking of ways to tell her this I remembered stories told to me by so many people whose parents that were not at all honest with their child/children like; “your parent is gone away”, “your parent left us”, “your parent is just asleep for a while”, “your parent is gone away to work for a while”, or to simply nothing at all. From these stories I remember that all that came from these lies was a life time grudge, that for their whole entire life they never forgave their parent for not telling the truth.
So as I was on my way home to my daughter I knew no matter how hard it was what I owed to her heart was to speak the truth, just as I have from the beginning. I made sure from the beginning of her Father’s sickness she knew that he may not get better, that he may have to one day go be with Jesus in Heaven, to be our Angel, that if he did he would always love us and be with us, not to be seen but through his love. Kids are little people they know, they feel as well as understand, they just need to be told the truth the best way that we can tell them.
Sitting down with her in a quiet room down to her eye level looking in to her eyes I told her, as hard as it was, as painful as it felt, in the best way I could, I told her. My daughter has always been good with talking to me, sharing her feelings with me. I always made sure she could do that with me. From that day forward she knew whatever it was she felt to just come to me, to let me know. If it was she missed her daddy, if she felt sad, angry or just missing him, she always did. No matter how hard it was I embraced her, I embraced her feelings. Even when the pain is so unbearable we have to let our child/children speak of their pain as well.
One day I decided that we should start letting go balloons with a note attached whenever she wanted to let her daddy know something. Something so little like this can bring healing to you even little by little. I noticed at the cemetery this little gesture helped tremendously, she smiled bright as the balloon went in to the clouds, it was at that moment I seen a sparkle in her eyes, that was when I knew she too was on her way to healing. That in her heart she was starting to feel the pain evapourate. It sometimes is the simplest of things that help mend our broken hearts.
Note to all: This blog post took all it had in me to relive. Many sentences left me with tears. We all have it in us to get through the toughest of times. If I did it right now, right here, you all can too.
A LITTLE RITUAL THAT HELPED TREMENDOUSLY: Each night before we would lie to sleep me and my little girl would always say our goodnights to him. Saying “goodnight daddy”, followed by a simple yet to the point prayer “I love daddy, daddy loves me, God bless daddy and God bless me. Je t’aime beacoup daddy”, since he was French and always said this to her before he went to sleep when he was with us.
Through the little gestures that work for us they seem so much more than little gestures that help us move toward healing, to help the pain ease up a little. Whatever it is for all of you find the little things that work for you.
0 comments:
Post a Comment